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Post by blackviking on Sept 4, 2005 14:10:26 GMT 2
I would like to know about your favorite jokes !
Here are two of my favorites :
1)
The pope , a traveler and George Bush are sitting in an airplaine .
Pilot : " the engine doesn`t work anymore . You guys need to get out of the plain . But , there are only two parachutes for you three ."
Bush: I am first because I`m the most important man in the world - He jumps out.
Pope to traveler : Take the second parachute and get out- you are younger than me and have your whole life in front of yourself .
Traveler to pope : Sir , we can save both of us . The most important man in the world just jumped out with my backpack on .
2)
After the big catastrophe in New Orleans lots of people are hurt and lots are dead.
The ambulances and black cars who carrie the dead away are busy all the time .
A black person asks a paramedic : " Why do you guys only save white people ? "
The paramedic answers : " Listen , the white cars are for the white people whereas the black ones are for the black people ."
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Post by Nordis on Sept 4, 2005 16:58:08 GMT 2
Ok, and we don't really need anyone ranting about political correctness in this thread then *ahem ahem* -"Why did jews wander 40 years on a desert?" -"One of them lost a quarter!" -"What was the half-time score in a football match between Jamaica and Etiopia?" -"Half of the grass smoked and other half eaten" ho ho ho.
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Turre
Clansman
Posts: 212
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Post by Turre on Sept 4, 2005 21:01:00 GMT 2
99% of gipsies ruin the rest's reputation... (Sorry if I hurt someone's feelings...)
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Post by blackviking on Sept 5, 2005 8:13:22 GMT 2
to Turre :
You seem not to have understood the principle of my thread !
It`s a jokes thread , so so it contains JOKES which are not to be taken serious .
I neither am a racist nor do I think George Bush is an idiot ( well , maybe a little bit )just because I post some jokes containing such things .
So , if there appears to be anything like racism , political incorrectness or something else that offends you you are meant to laugh about it because its NOT MEANT SERIOUS !
I know that some people cant laugh about such things , but those should just ignore this thread or post Jokes they like .
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Post by blackviking on Sept 5, 2005 8:27:55 GMT 2
Here are some more :
Two deaf fisherman meat :
Fisherman 1 : Are you going to go fishing ? Fisherman 2 : No , I am going to go fishing ! Fisherman 1 : Ah , I thought you were going to go fishing !
Foot and eye meet in the dessert :
Eye : I `ll go away now . Foot : Wana see that !
A knight rides through the dessert :
Two lions see him - lion 1 turns away. lion2 : Whats up ? lion1 : I hate this damn tinfood !
Woman to doctor : I ve got a problem, everyone just ignores me ! Doctor : next one please !
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Post by frostheim on Sept 5, 2005 9:12:55 GMT 2
Mikä on pahinta mitä voi kuulla naapurin suusta? - Hai sie! Mie tulin siun vierees asumaa!
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Turre
Clansman
Posts: 212
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Post by Turre on Sept 5, 2005 9:16:18 GMT 2
to Turre : You seem not to have understood the principle of my thread ! It`s a jokes thread , so so it contains JOKES which are not to be taken serious . So , if there appears to be anything like racism , political incorrectness or something else that offends you you are meant to laugh about it because its NOT MEANT SERIOUS ! I know that some people cant laugh about such things , but those should just ignore this thread or post Jokes they like . Well that is what the biggest on-line joke page in Finland said but then came the Jews and reported to the police and BOOM the page had to be shut down... Nowadays he tells jokes only about "white Christian healthy straight Finnish standard guy" because that should be leagal...
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Post by Nordis on Sept 5, 2005 9:35:11 GMT 2
Mikä on pahinta mitä voi kuulla naapurin suusta? - Hai sie! Mie tulin siun vierees asumaa! If nazis were gypsies, they propably would have shouted "Hai Hitler!"
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Post by CrazyMary on Sept 5, 2005 11:22:39 GMT 2
A dyslexic man walks into a bra. A piece of string goes into a bar, walks up to the barman and says: "I'd like a beer, barman." The barman looks him up and down, and says: "I'm sorry, we don't serve pieces of string here." So the piece of string goes outside. He ties himself in a knot, ruffles up his ends a bit, and walks back into the bar. "I'd like a beer, barman." The barman looks him up and down, and says: "Aren't you that piece of string that was here a minute ago?" "I'm afraid not!" .....("I'm a frayed knot!") ;D Hahaha, I kill myself.
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Post by Humppaporo on Sept 8, 2005 9:04:40 GMT 2
"I don't give a damn about who your father is...as long as I'm fishing here, you cannot walk the waters!"
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Fjola
Eagle
AKA the blonde airhead :)
Posts: 80
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Post by Fjola on Sept 14, 2005 7:45:05 GMT 2
I like the Sherlock Holmes joke: ;D Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?" Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!" Also, my grandma told me this when I was little. It's not so great, but I thought I would post it. It's rather stupid actually. Sorry for those who can't understand Finnish, this one can't be translated... Mikä on kirkasta ja haisee paskalle? --> Kirkan paska. Ehhehe. And of course there's the whole bunch of dead babies jokes... But I am not getting into those. Yet, anyway, because I have to run...
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Turre
Clansman
Posts: 212
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Post by Turre on Sept 14, 2005 15:00:18 GMT 2
This made me laugh and I could probably tell this joke drunk to even foreinger, simple and funny : A guy runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a policeman. Cop says, "License and registration, please." Guy says, "What for?" Cop says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." Guy says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." Cop says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please." Guy says, "What's the difference?" Cop says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop. License and registration, PLEASE!" Guy says, "If you can show me the difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration." Cop says, "Exit your vehicle, sir." At this point, the cop takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving shit out of the guy and says: "DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP OR JUST SLOW DOWN?"
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Post by blackviking on Sept 15, 2005 10:51:59 GMT 2
1)
What is white and jumps from tree to tree ?
answer : an Austrian doctor fighting against birdflue !
2)
Man comes to the doctor :
man : doctor , everybody says I`ve got an ass like a horse !
doctor : Impossible, let me see that ! man : So , what do you say ?
doctor : Oh my god , your ass really looks like the one of a horse .
Now the doctor sits down and writes something on a shet of paper .
man : Oh thank you so much. That`s a prescription for medication, right ?
doctor : No , this paper just tells everybody that from now on you are permitted to shit on the street ( like a horse ! ) 3)
Bulldog and huskie sit on a tree :
Bulldog : Let`s jump down
Bulldog jumps.
Bulldog to huskie : now it`s your turn pal.
huskie starts to shiver and says : N...n...no I`ll stay up here.
Bulldog : why the hell ?
huskie : I don`t want my nose to look like yours .
4)
Karl comes to heaven :
God : welcome my friend , is there anything I can do for you ?
Karl : Yes , I want to go back to earth for one day to buy some food and drinks .
God : OK , but bring a piece of bacon for me please .
Karl goes back to earth for one day and fullfills his duties . when he returns to heavens gate Pavarotti stands next to him .
God opens the gate . He looks to Karl then to Pavarotti and then back to Karl .
God : Karl ! , what have you done . I wanted a piece of bacon and you bring me a whole pig.
5)
The dog of an old ladie dies.
As she`s very religious she wants a catholic burial for it .
So she askes the local priest if its possible :
Priest : No , of course not !
Ladie : What a pitty , I would have payed you 10000 dollars .
Priest : I didn`t know your dog was a catholic !!!!!!!!!!! Burial time is tomorrow ..................................................................
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Post by DaveTheRake on Sept 16, 2005 11:10:20 GMT 2
I've been thinking several days if I should write these or not, because it's a pretty bad one... but what the hell, here it is....
Do you know why farting smells? Just to let deafs enjoy them
He was such a fast fast fast fast man that he started running around a tree till he fucked his own ass
A typical Spanish one:
An English, a French and a Spanish at a bar; they all have physical burdens. The English looks at a guy with long hair and beard and says to the other two:
-This guy there is Jesus Christ
The other ones deny so the English goes to the guy
-You are Jesus -No, I'm not -Yes you are, don't lie to me
SO much he insists that the guy says:
-Ok, I'm Jesus, now you'll ask me to heal you from your physical burden, but I'll only do it if you don't say anything to your mates
So he heal the English who goes running to the other two and tells them the guy was as he said Jesus and he had healed him. SO the French stands up, goes to Jesus and the same dialogue takes place. At last Jesus heals the French and waits now for the Spanish, who doesn't stands up though is looking at him with an akward glance. So Jesus, much stranged for the behaviour of the Spanish stands up and when he's going to speak at the Spanish, this one shouts:
-Don't touch me motherfucker! I'm on a medical leave!
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Post by Sethlad on Sept 16, 2005 11:24:48 GMT 2
Dave... you inspired me to make some excellent spanish jokes we have here...
What is the ego? It's the spaniard inside each of us.
Spanish child turns to his father and says "Dad, when I grow up I want to be just like you!" "why, so you can be successful and good-looking as I am?" "no, so I can have a great son like myself"
11 out of 10 spaniards feel superior to the rest.
What's the resemblance between Superman and a Humble Spaniard? Neither exists.
What's the most lucrative deal in the world? To buy a spaniard for what he's worth, and to sell him for what he thinks he's worth.
hehehehe Damn I love national stereotype jokes....
You probably don't have any portuguese jokes, since most of the country isn't even aware we exist, but I know the brasillians do... so go right ahead silvio! ahahaha
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