Crystiannia
Clansman
"Here is the deepest secret nobody knows..."
Posts: 384
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Post by Crystiannia on Jun 24, 2009 6:59:34 GMT 2
What do you guys think about social networking sites vs the value of friendship? Both blessing and curse? In my own experiences, which are the only ones I can attest to, I originally looked at MySpace as a wonderland. As socially inept and backwards as I am in person, it gave me a wider comfort zone. I loved the fact that I could find others with the same specific interests and not feel so alone... or so I thought. It was very misleading. At one point I was in dozens of groups and recently left nearly all disillusioned. I truly wanted to seek out new friends, but sadly most folks were just putting on an act. I still use MySpace, but now mainly just to keep up with a handful of kindred souls and I like that I can direct people to my profile if they want to see the real me. At least I know that mine is not an act or online persona to be performed. It's truly me and I cling to the hope that I'll come across some true friends one day. This forum seems to be a nice step in that direction! ;D (As for Facebook; tis dull. I have a profile there for my family and I throw up weird song quotes and videos to screw with their heads! No one appreciated the link to "Vodka." LOL) When I had penpals in the golden days of yore before email, one of the greatest joys was decorating that envelope! It was the biggest accomplishment to hear that the postman was in awe of your doodles! And I'm quite the mush... having saved many an envelope to this day. It was something tangible and real-- to unfold that paper and see the shapes of the letters and how thoughts played out. And the almost tense and stomach churning sensation of anticipating the next exchange. You'd be feeling all alone in the world and suddenly this envelope would arrive from hundreds of miles away and your existance would just explode! But now, I think fed on by such fear of strangers, who would give out their street address or--gasp!--a phone number?! Unheard of now, but then no one batted an eye. And I do miss it! I miss it terribly, maybe more so than anyone else here. Honestly though, as each soul is different, what you said " it feels more and more awkward to pick up a phone and call your friend, then it begins to feel awkward to email the friend directly because that's, well, too direct and invasive" is the most dead-on description of me. (Where you one of those people I did not call back after endless promises I would?!? LOL!) I cringe to think that I am being a bother. Which is why I thought social networking sites would help, but alas, they don't deliver the same effects as pen smudges or hearing a chipper "hello" on the other end of the phone. And I really do miss that... well, obviously... since it is nearly 1am and I am babbling in the dark to any who would listen. ;D Okay, that's sad. But in true sincerity, I could see myself making real honest friends here. But then I have always been one to wear my heart on my sleeve even if it means it gets torn asunder. Hjalagh -- I echo your thoughts! And just for the record, I would never delete you from my friends!
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2009 21:24:42 GMT 2
I am not sure bout that "fakebook" community as I've seen friends mislead there..l wouldn't know if they didn't told me. I only here netsocialize.. Hjalagh, when friendship comes to Life,the channel of communication aren't important. Again, I'm one of the fortunate people who has had only great experiences..many many Moons ago, for example,when letters ruled, I met and still have very close good people who were into the same metal mental state of things at the time... Even if we don't write anymore, the phone calls are an usual thing we ,perform'
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Post by Bartbär on Jun 24, 2009 22:07:04 GMT 2
I share both the thoughts of you Hjalagh, and the concept that WalkyrieTina says, "when friendship comes to Live, the channel of communication aren't important." Yet I do think that for the most part, with the general population social networking sites actually destroy friendship. People are prone these days to finding any little escape from the real world that they can, they are too scared to think about the problems that face them every day, so instead of dealing with them and realizing that things need work, they would rather put on their headphones, be around "friends" who do nothing but goof around, etc. As a means to silence their thoughts and perceptions of the world around them. That isn't in every case of course, but in general population it has become the rule. You can't go anywhere these days without seeing someone with a cellphone up to their ear or struggling to find batteries to re-charge their CD player (Wow, that was so 5 years ago, I should say, struggling to find their iPod charger.. ), etc. It killed me last year in College, as soon as I would leave to go home the entire mob of people had to make a call, not anything important, but just to create that psychological noise to prevent them from listening to their own thoughts, to stop any introspection that may come up. I couldn't help but laugh, literally 90% of the days I was the only one not using a cell phone. Back to the point though: Facebook, Myspace, etc. is good for people like us who are very in-tune with ourselves and the world around us, who can distinguish between what is worthwhile and what is meaningless and needs not be shared. The internet is like that for everybody, it is either a very very useful tool or it is just a waste of time with no real meaning that prevents people from living their own real lives. I must say though I am tired of social networking sites, I much prefer hand-written letters and emails, but I've had to continue on these sites because they are easier for me with all the hectic things going on now. I don't have much time to sit down and write a letter, there is too much noise and no peace to put myself in that mind-set. Typing allows for streams of thought to come faster and be produced faster, but I don't like that either. I need my pace, but it is so hard to obtain right now. Ironically though I hate phones, I enjoy the fact that they allow for listening to the other person and hearing their voice, but I hate that they prevent getting to see the other persons face and gestures, considering most of what people "say" is in their body language and not just their words. Phones just feel too unnatural for me, and I feel a disconnect whenever I use one, thus why I only have a minute phone for emergencies or quick bursts of contact. This may also be because I have had experiences in the past to where I would talk with a person on the phone, and we would connect a lot simply because they were putting on a fascade of connection, but in person when I really got to meet them their true selves came out and it was totally opposite from their "phone" self. With letters and email I can tell how people are a lot better, I've always loved analyzing writings so it is easier for me to stay in touch and connect with real people through messages. But over the phone without any gestures or facial expressions it can be hard to unmask truthful words. Granted however, with real friends who you know and would like to keep in contact with those are not worries, but ever since all of that I can barely stand the phone, depending on the time of day and what I have going on. I do miss certain phone conversations and discussions. Anyways, I've met a lot of great people through social networking sites. Even a couple from youtube, so I am not completely against them. For me they are a useful tool, but for the majority of the population it is just meaningless contact of mindless "Whazz up?" communication rather than deep communication. My biggest problem though is I can't write short messages. I always have to be elaborate and I always have to make sure there is a meaning and a constant meaningful subject to talk about. And since I have found a handful of good friends, I have trouble writing them all lengthy messages since I have very little time. I guess that is why I enjoy this Forum so much, whether I write a personal message or post a lengthy topic on a thread, there is always some communication, and I can go away for some time, come back and see that the conversation is still continuing and I can join in at any time without worry of time, fast replies, etc. I completely lost my goal of what I was trying to say in this post. I may have to completely edit this later, or delete and rewrite it altogether, haha.
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Crystiannia
Clansman
"Here is the deepest secret nobody knows..."
Posts: 384
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Post by Crystiannia on Jun 25, 2009 5:11:20 GMT 2
As I'm sure anyone who has read my posts can very plainly see, I am the melodramatic type, often ruled by romantic melancholy. How odd that if you are one to believe in astrology, I'm more along the lines of Cancer for love matters than as Sagittarius. Although generally obnoxiously cheery, fiercly independant and constantly silly, I take matters of the heart, well, to heart! And as of late I've had to make a terrible decision. So, if any of you would be kind enough to offer some advice... or thoughts at least for me to consider... How do you tell a very good person that you can't stay with them any longer? How does one escape from a loveless cell where the guard has the best of intentions? Or, should someone have to play the part of a martyr and sacrifice their own happiness just to avoid hurting another and resign oneself to a life of never knowing real romantic love? Or perhaps one should not watch "The Princess Bride" in constant loop! LOL! There is no easy solution and I'd just like everyone to be happy -- me especially. The tears come to constant these days and I'd much rather be alone then miserable... I love my mates, my books and my music... but just to be with that one that I don't have to defend myself too... to share honestly and not lie to save feelings... to snuggle under the comforter on freezing winter mornings with the thermostat turned off! To share music and dreams without snide remarks. Or just keep hoping for someone that will never be? WOW! After that I need something violent and gory to refocus! Let's take out "Princess Bride" and pop in "Evil Dead 2!" Hey! I'm trying!!
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Post by Bartbär on Jun 25, 2009 6:14:52 GMT 2
Crystiannia, I don't know the full details of what is going on, but if you would like to PM all the details (if you don't mind sharing) to me than I could give even better guidance and advice. It is one of the things I am good at, and I am careful to look at every angle. I will be sure to give sound advice that will not wholly be based around my biases and past experiences. I try my best to take out all of that when dealing with friends, at least I take out as much as is naturally possible. Yet even then I will never fail to let you know where you will have to fill in the blanks or trade in for your own thoughts. I will say though, if you aren't happy, then that is no good. There is no sense being with someone or communicating with someone that doesn't make you happy. I would never ever ever suggest to keep at something if you didn't feel anything from it. There is no point in keeping yourself down and away from what matters: yourself and the people closest to you, the people that actually do make you feel something. You can't protect the other person forever, eventually your true emotions and feelings will come out, so why delay? Had my previous girlfriends, friends, etc. who no longer felt connected with me told me when they knew it was enough to end it rather than playing around with me, wasting my time or cheating on me, I would have been a lot happier. I know you are a good person, and I know that you wouldn't do anything to hurt the other person, but dammit, don't hurt yourself in the process. Sometimes you have to look out for number one and stop thinking too hard about other peoples feelings. I know how you feel with the concepts of Love and the like as a Cancer, I myself am one. But you have to control these things and try to think with a somewhat calm manner. "someone that will never be?" - that is a lie, there are people like that already out there, and just because you are not with them or do not yet know them does not mean they are not out and about yearning for the same things. Remember, try not to think too hard about it and enjoy what you DO have in life. That is always a good thing to do. I will leave this short for now, I will continue more over PM, and if you care to spare the details to me I will be much more thorough and elaborate. Take care dear, enjoy watching Ash kick some ass! Although don't be too hasty to take out Princess Bride: it is nice to feel that romance through some medium at least. Besides, that is a pretty kick ass movie.
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Post by Heer E. Tik on Jun 25, 2009 7:47:23 GMT 2
@ crystiannia: I have not been in a situation like that personally, and therefore cannot speak from specific experience stemming from a situation with similar factors - but all the same, the only advice I can offer that could apply to your situation (or to any situation) is, simply be honest... both with yourself and with expressing your_self to others. It may sound simple, but it's not easy sometimes to express one's feelings and thoughts honestly, just as they are. People often equate honesty and bluntness, but they are not the same. There can be honesty with sensitivity too. Essentially, the inner condition that you're in, people can detect and catch that vibe that you set off... so no matter what you say, people will actually hear HOW you're saying it more than they will hear WHAT you're saying - in other words, from what inner place of yours these words/thoughts/feelings stem. Honesty with oneself strips away deception, you can't really outsmart your own inner self that you know only too well... staying attuned to yourself and honest with yourself will create a sense of inner harmony, when you're conscious of who you are and what you're about. Talking to the "guard" of your "cell" openly, honestly (not in the sense of bluntness, but in the sense of being attuned to that person, and not holding anything back, and being an open book) will work wonders, I think... at least it will clarify things further for both of you Your goal is to communicate openly without hurting anyone's feelings and without feeling burdened by guilt or remorse afterward... We're living in a "me" generation, when people think everything revolves around themselves, so all those therapists recommend putting one's self first when dealing with hard situations, yet depression statistics keep climbing, this tactic doesn't apparently result in happiness. Instead of narrowing one's situation down to "this is me and this is what I want and how I want it" - which will result in personal gratification, yet at the negation of the other person - stay focused on the inner harmony and on your concern for the other person's well-being/emotional comfort, and then, when you're honest with yourself and with your feelings, when you two do talk, your inner condition will make itself felt to the other person, thus enabling him to listen better and to resonate/empathize with what you say... because it doesn't stem from an ego that's being imposed, it stems from inner harmony and concern and good nature. If he does love you, then he will understand... part of loving is the ability to let go...
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Post by Deleted on Jun 25, 2009 12:02:55 GMT 2
I totally agree with Hjalagh,and l want to complete a bit. Being honest with yourself and with other is the most important. Thus a bigger self esteem and the other learn how to deal with you.. Tis important with friends and lovers to grow together, regardless any difference..to accept how we are and to complete each other. It depends how you wish your liferoad to be...bumped by egos or smooth as you've builded with the dear ones
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Post by Nordis on Jun 26, 2009 11:03:36 GMT 2
A little more about social networking as I find hardly anything bad about it. I've never liked MySpace as it's such a mess and heavy to operate but Facebook is pretty damn great. Somewhat all of the friends I need to stay in contact more than once in a month are there so it's really easy to arrange parties and stuff via it. Before Facebook we had to make tens of calls if we wanted to go to a cottage for a weekend, this year everyone just wrote their opinions on our Facebook event and we got everything arranged. On the top of that you get to know when they flush the toilet or cut their toe nails... ( ;D ) I can also stay in contact with my better half via Facebook's chat when we are at work as the work macs don't have msn or anything like that. It's pretty handy to know when each other is i.e. leaving work as we currently have only one key to our apartment. Another great application is Spotify, as I've probably mentioned before. It's pretty much like Last.fm but without any social networking features: You just have tons and tons of albums to listen legally and tens of thousands are added each week. I've found tens of new interesting bands and artists since I started using the program last winter and I really don't have any need to buy actual albums unless I want to collect them for some reason (favourite bands etc.). I actually bought two cds over a month ago and I still haven't even unwrapped them as it's just easier to stream them from Spotify The best feature however are the open playlists that anyone can edit. Me and my friends share somewhat similiar taste in music; not maybe the genre, be it metal, electro, proge or whatever but the overall feeling and themes in the music, so we have this playlist where everyone can add anything that they consider "good". Little did I know about Alan Parson's Project, Blue Öyster Cult, Candlemass or Infected Mushroom before my friends shared them. Way easier than borrowing cds to each other
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 26, 2009 11:37:40 GMT 2
Ah, well,for that kind of talk and exchange, we use here yahoo messenger on a daily basis. Tis free,tis fun when your at work on brakes (and not only for some) and damn useful. The good thing is that we use it,and phone less,keeping bills from going to the Moon, and that nobody than those who you want to sees you cutting your nails . ;D ;D
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Post by Nordis on Jun 26, 2009 13:35:38 GMT 2
Ah, well,for that kind of talk and exchange, we use here yahoo messenger on a daily basis. Tis free,tis fun when your at work on brakes (and not only for some) and damn useful. The good thing is that we use it,and phone less,keeping bills from going to the Moon, and that nobody than those who you want to sees you cutting your nails . ;D ;D I use MSN messenger a lot too but Facebook is much more handy when you need to share information with multiple people
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Post by Heer E. Tik on Jun 26, 2009 20:11:01 GMT 2
Big correction from my earlier post, where I was recommending the German short story "The Cold Heart" (Das Kalte Herz) in the theme of discussion about friendship and love - The correct author of this story is Wilhelm Hauff, not C.D. Grabbe. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wilhelm_Hauff#Writings
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Post by Bartbär on Jun 26, 2009 23:02:13 GMT 2
Facebook is a very useful tool for that. I think if I had more local friends and less (but why would I ever want less friends? ) long distance ones it would be much more accessible. It is VERY good for networking dates and times for get togethers, as I have had to use it for that in the past. But sadly it was not with good close friends and a group I was starting for my college, which due to lack of dedication and college administrative support, fell through. I guess social applications are one of the things I will continue to both love and hate all at the same time. Although I will give them the benefit of the doubt, because I have met tons of wonderful people through them that I would have never met or known any other way. Sure I may not see them in person nor ever met them in person, but there is a time and a place for everything, and when you can make friends all across Europe it is a useful tool, since once I hopefully make it there, I will already have people to see and events to attend. For these things I do praise these networking sites. More to come on the subject of love and friendship, way too tired now to go much deeper. Been a very very busy day.
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Post by Mighty Croc on Jun 27, 2009 6:58:20 GMT 2
Social networks in love-and-friendship aspect... I'm still not into Facebook, but it seems that soon I'll register there. I tried to register on Myspace, but it's not very easy to master it... I even still don't know how to add any songs into my profile. It's good only when talking with bands' managers about dates of theit tours... I usually find friends on forums, and sometimes in a local social network - but as everyone here, I miss hanging out with such good friends (as many of you are) in real life. But when I'll buy a motorbike, we'll ride through Europe with my friends - and I hope that there will be many guys wishing to share a few pints with us (prepare, we'll play Finntroll's Forsvinn Du Som Lyser for you!) But social networks are not for love - if you felt in love with some girl from an other town or even country, you should prepare for a really serious heart-ache... Anyway, I always preferred hanging out in real life to spending all your time on forums.
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Post by Bartbär on Jun 27, 2009 8:21:33 GMT 2
Hopefully when your ride through Europe happens Croc, I will be somewhere there to join in on the pints and the singing! I agree social networking sites should not be used for Love. I have made that mistake in the past and it is over a year of my life that I will never get back, and a year of my life that messed up a lot of relationships with family and friends, thankfully though it did not ruin them though. I think that one can find love through these sites, afterall a big part of Love is connection, and you don't need to have face-to-face interaction to feel that connection, but once you have that Love WITHOUT face-to-face connection, it just slowly eats away at you until you can't feel anything anymore. At least it was the case with me. I have found some friends online who I have a Love for, but when it comes to romantic Love online, I steer clear from it unless there would be some soon coming together of personal interaction, and even then I could not claim whole-heartedly my Love to someone unless I've spent some time with them in person first. Sadly though it seems most of the women I would even consider dating live at least an hour or so away from me, with the majority living in other countries. Granted that is expected when you live in one of the worst places to be into metal, Heathenism/Shamanism, etc. There is a part of me that just wants to save up all of my money so that I can go around and meet everyone that I have a great connection with online in person, that way I can fulfill that mystery of waiting to see how the connection is face-to-face. I think online relationships can only work if both parties are absolutely mature about it, and that both parties are equally devoted into meeting and developing things in person. Basically, just like any relationship, devotion and understanding. But in these times it is hard to make such commitments and devotion when it is so hard to obtain your roots and plant them in another garden. I'm still working on uprooting myself, I just wonder where I am going to plant them next... SOmewhere in Europe for sure.
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Crystiannia
Clansman
"Here is the deepest secret nobody knows..."
Posts: 384
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Post by Crystiannia on Jul 9, 2009 8:04:58 GMT 2
I was going through some old things and I came across a friendship bracelet that a beloved friend had given me quite so long ago. It's someone that I cherish deeply and miss him very often. One of those people I always promised to call but never did for fear of bothering him (phones bother me anyway!). So I put this faded bit of material around my wrist and as I wore it I realized that I had no good reason for not contacting him. So I sent him a short message and I was so happy to get his reply that he has missed me as well. Sometimes all it takes is just swallowing your nerves and risking that initial rejection!
So now with the likes of Facebook and MySpace it makes it easier to at least stay somewhat connected through those miles. Even if you can't call often or see each other maybe never at all, you can still peek in on that person and feel some kind of closeness, even if it is only virtual. Obviuosly, it does not take the place of person to person contact. When you are able to look into a person's eyes and read their soul, or touch their hand and feel that human warmth that a JPEG doesn't reveal. And to hear a voice! That in itself is magical beyond little texts!! To be able to appreciate tone and accent, to get the gist of a conversation without emoticons and LOLs! But for now, when so many kindred souls or beloveds are miles or oceans apart, perhaps destined to never experience in the flesh contact, the social networks (and band forums ;D!)can be a marvelous thing!
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