Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 20, 2010 19:28:43 GMT 2
" Can someone please just lock me up or put me in a place of complete solitude so I don't continue to go through the same damn experience with women time after time? It would be greatly appreciated. No! You'll find the key or brake the door. Or find the road back.
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Post by Bartbär on Sept 20, 2010 19:52:23 GMT 2
Haha, damn, you are so right. Perhaps next time down the road I'll find someone who doesn't follow the recurring path of all the others. One can certainly hope at least. At least I'm still happy to be single and not have to worry about the emotional stress and BS of a bad relationship. It feels good.
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Joe
Wolfcub
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Post by Joe on Sept 24, 2010 19:05:59 GMT 2
If I learned anything from my last relationship and it's downfall, it is that there is nothing more important than to follow your own principles. You have to stand your man, and try to be the best of humanity. After all, however dark the times will be, there is always a spark of hope, right?
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Post by Bartbär on Oct 19, 2010 9:26:04 GMT 2
After not completely destroying the connection with the aforementioned frustrating woman, I've come to realize even more just how ridiculous she is and have cut the cord of communication completely. It sucks though, I knew it was never going to develop into anything, and even if it had that it wouldn't have been wonderful or serious, but it was nice for a short while to at least have the mirage of thought that some woman actually liked me out there. Too bad I'm not sure if that attraction to me was even real to begin with. Now I find myself feeling even more alone than I do on any given regular basis, which is already pretty damn alone... I don't mean to be so melancholic, but you know when people have such a negative view about relationships, and that feeling that they are never going to find anyone? Well, those people have never been in my shoes with my mind. Those people have at least had inklings of hope. I, on the other hand, feel completely desolate in the realm of love. It seems that no one out there is meant for me, and I find myself feeling a complete disconnect with all the core emotions that make us human. Feeling love, or even infatuation, but not truly feeling it in return... now that's a recipe for hardship. At least this is good inspiration for music and lyrical motifs. Too bad I've also still got school to worry about though, as I wish I could just take a long time off to have all to myself....
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Post by kuusuru on Oct 19, 2010 12:57:47 GMT 2
I don't mean to be so melancholic, but you know when people have such a negative view about relationships, and that feeling that they are never going to find anyone? Well, those people have never been in my shoes with my mind. Those people have at least had inklings of hope. I, on the other hand, feel completely desolate in the realm of love. It seems that no one out there is meant for me, and I find myself feeling a complete disconnect with all the core emotions that make us human. Feeling love, or even infatuation, but not truly feeling it in return... now that's a recipe for hardship. In affairs of the heart patience is a virtue, my young padawan friend... cold comfort for you now perhaps, but that is the truth. You are young, and you have many years ahead of you, and you will encounter interesting and attractive women who also think you are a bit of alright . In the meantime, do the weights. You'll never look like Schwarzenegger (why would you want to) unless you pump yourself full of drugs, but you will be healthier, you will feel better about yourself, and those will manifest themselves in confidence which you will radiate to those around you... including women. Even something as little as a 15 minute workout every few days will really make a difference.
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Post by Socke on Oct 19, 2010 16:05:26 GMT 2
I couldn't agree more with kuusuru's first paragraph. You've so much ahead of you in your life still, the strangest things can happen during that time, and even a great woman might come along. Sometimes when I'm thinking how my own attitude towards love (or even life in general) has changed over the years I could almost laugh about myself. Always I thought my current view would be ultimate and final, if it was "I'll never find anyone who understands and likes me", "This was the love of my life, and from now on I'll block everything as I don't manage to go through the loss situation another time", "I am meant to be alone and forever free, I never want any relationship", just to find myself -you guess it- with a boyfriend a few months later after a hard struggle with myself. There's a constant development, and I bet also your view will change with all kinds of happenings along your way
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Post by Deleted on Oct 19, 2010 16:27:28 GMT 2
Add me too on the part of agreeing. And more than them , I am glad you cut the communication too. As I've said before to you...some really doesn't worth the effort. Not that this exclude some pain and sorrows. But somewhere, someone will deserve all the effort. And I kant wait for that news from you one day. Meanwhile, you have friends. Socke....your paragraph sums it up just great. And realistic in the end. Live and enjoy!
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Post by Bartbär on Oct 19, 2010 19:25:07 GMT 2
Thanks everyone. I agree with it too, but last night when I wrote this I was frustrated and quite distraught, and had to post this on a forum where I knew I had dear friends who I could confide in. The whole situation with her was ridiculous. She would flirt with me and be very open about her feelings with me, really really open. Than a couple weeks ago she started dating her ex again, after already breaking up and getting back with him a number of times. Than she found out he was flirting with some women online in a sexual manner and thus left him. Now this most recent time she was yet again quite open with me, talking about how she was stupid to even take back her ex, and saying that I was the best person for her, whilst however still expressing that she did want to be single. Than as I suspected would happen, in the matter of a few days she is with a new boyfriend, and when I expressed my anger and frustration towards her she confused it with jealousy. Which makes me even more angered, as she puts the concept of "jealousy" on me as a means of her "innocence" of never doing anything wrong. How many mental disorders must a woman have to talk very open and romantically with a male, then literally the next day (or same day) start dating someone else and act like they did absolutely nothing wrong? It's not like she was playful in her flirtations, she showed an immense desire to be with me and wasn't just flirting for fun. It would have been different had it been the other way, but it most certainly is not. Of course than in her last message she expressed the distance aspect of it all. Again, a concept that I would have been find with HAD SHE TALKED with me about it. But as always her mode of communication is talk until another comes along, and shy away from expressing real underlying thoughts and only express those which avoid confrontation. I can't stand people like that... especially when they claim to be "oh-so very open" about everything. Note to everyone who has not learned it already: people that are always expressing themselves as open, and who seem not at all reserved or private, are in reality the least open individuals in the world: they express "everything" to everyone, and in doing so have no ability to truly understand what really lies beneath their thoughts and feelings. Stay clear of them when you come across them. I feel better today, and am not bothering replying her message, as I'm intuitive enough and have been through this enough before that to do so would just continue a series of messages that would completely go nowhere. I'm happy to be free from her actually, as I said I knew that even if I would have been with her it wouldn't have lasted, or even been profound, and now I can focus my energies more on myself and on those people who are dear to me, whether or not it leads to any sort of romantic relationship I don't care. Platonic relationships for me have always been more fruitful. Again though, it's just harrowing. When you are used to being alone you greatly enjoy it, you don't get caught up in not having people around who compliment you and who are so interested in you. But when you get a taste of that interest out of the blue, it feels good, and then when that brief stint of happiness is extinguished you have that short moment of unwillingness to go back in to solitude. For me that period has been increasingly short, perhaps out of becoming used to it arising. whereas it used to crush me for days or weeks on end, I now only feel it for one fleeting moment and am right back in my comfort zone. With that said I am of course open to my future, and to possibilities of relationship both near and far, although with the local population here my chances of near relationships are very very slim. Perhaps I may not find anyone until I'm 40 years old, or perhaps I may have a series of brief relationships and ultimately never find anyone worthy to spend my life with. Either way I am content, for as long as I am happy with myself and make use of my time in manners that aren't completely destructive than life still goes on and I am still happy. I feel that in the end of it all, even if I don't have one very intimate woman by my side who will be devestated on my earthly departure, that in the very least I'll have a few people who knew me and understood me enough to appreciate what I did in this world. And Kuusuru, I've been keeping up the workouts. They are indeed brief, like you say 15 minutes a day, as sometimes that is all I can afford, but I've been picking up walking again as well. And if I'm able to move my family before this winter (let's hope so!) I'm hoping to find a house for my parents with enough room to set-up my proper weight bench again. Dumbbells are wonderful and all, but I miss my weight bench and my space. It's hard to have proper form in weightlifting when you're sitting down on your bed to lift them, or standing up in a very very small area.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2010 23:18:33 GMT 2
Reaching a level of realisation is always good, and feels the same in consequence. People come and go in and from one's life , like a friend of mine said once and I was being skeptical in accepting that. She was right, and I had to experience it for myself. The realisation is that taking different paths from some of the people that were once close to me, is not painful and I feel good pursuing my own way . With very old and new friends that are on the same wavelenght. Life is indeed great and not bothering for unworthy reasons makes it even greater!
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Post by Arivse on Nov 1, 2010 9:23:43 GMT 2
Life is indeed great and not bothering for unworthy reasons makes it even greater! Couldn't agree more, you shouldn't waste your time cathering minor things to bother, since eventually you have so much of them that you feel like drowing. Some times its good to stop thinking and just start living And when it comes to love, I'm way too young to give any life changeing advices, I myself feel very lost in world of love for me its like this quote: "It's impossible." said pride. "It's risky." said experience. "It's pointless." said reason. "Give it a try." whispered the heart. Its constant figth between different emotions. For now my reason part is winning but when my heart hits the point that it overwhelms all the other emotions, I guess then I'm ready
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2010 14:14:28 GMT 2
Arivse, you have the age of my little brother...(oh, no! not little anymore,hehe...), yet there's wisdom in what you say. I like what you've pointed in the last paragraph; wish all the best for the moment when heart will defeat reason.
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Post by Bartbär on Nov 1, 2010 19:09:23 GMT 2
Tiina: I'm still waiting for heart to defeat reason for me. I've probably stated this before, but to me reason continues to trump emotion. Which in times where a relationship (or actually in my case "potential relationship") is lost I'm able to get over it quickly, not having invested too much emotion and soul into it. But in other times it is negative: for instance the very concept of "love" to me seems very very odd and unreasonable, making me wonder if "true love" actually is... well... true. For centuries marrying for love, or even courting for the sole purpose of love was practically unheard of. The Romans believed romantic love (no pun intended, haha) was a weakness, as it got in the way both reason and service to the state: a man or woman whose first loyalty is to their love will not take in matters of the state as anything worthy of their time, because to lovers only their partnership is of utmost importance. In fact it hasn't been until very recently in modern history that marrying for love came about, as for practically forever marriage was a means of political or societal gain/stability. Of course these concepts get very confused in things like "historical" hollywood films, where you see an aristocrat marrying or sleeping with someone who is not noble "out of love", which is rare if not completely non-existent (although of course not impossible, but damn close to it) Then of course in a biological perspective we see the brains reaction to love. The brain produces chemicals and hormones that make us feel "in love", but what about the natural mind? Is it truly "love" based on something like soul-relations or some metaphysical bond, or is it just a joyous coincidence of congruent biological functions? The biggest problem we have here is that biology has at least SOME say in love, I think every single one of us can say we went through at least one relationship where our heart and body felt as if we were truly in love, only later to realize just how immature our understanding of it at the time was. That doesn't mean that love doesn't exist and isn't real. Even if love is solely an aspect of biology or a cultural construction developing mostly in a society based less around political hegemony and more around individuality or a mixture of both or something else entirely, it is clear that love IS powerful. And it does exist. My biggest problem is exactly along what Arivse has stated: I must learn to shut off these thoughts and just accept things as they come along. Something that I may be more capable of doing if anything ever even DID come along. I've tried pursuing love, letting love find me, and not giving a flying shit about it, and none of them provided me with results. haha Actually I've gotten the most out of the latter most mind-set, but usually this only provides women who are uninteresting and are only attracted to me for my "careless" attitude in regards to pressures of love. Tiina that's the same path I've found myself down. Letting go of people who were once close to me is no longer that big of a problem. I used to not want to let people go out of fear of being alone, but now I realize that it just makes more room for those who have always been at my side, as well as room for new friendships. And may they all come and go as they please: life is not about life-long friendships or lifelong anything, it's about friendships and experiences that leave lifelong impacts. P.s. I've probably repeated ALL of these things on this thread before, I know I've at least covered some of them. But again they're just recurring thoughts of mine, and I continue to try and make sense of them all.
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Post by Arivse on Nov 1, 2010 20:06:25 GMT 2
Thanks Tiina, its allways nice when people don't judge person by his/her age And for Anwend, I understand what you are saying, but for me (and I'm only speaking about my point of view) those relationships that I can easily put in side (forget or smthing), those hasn't been real love, I put em "to being infatuated/enamoured with" category. For me broken love allways hurts, or atleast I "wish" it would (don't get me wrong, I'm not wishing broken love to me or to anyone else, its just, I haven't yet felt that feeling, or the opposite, in my life, and I don't want to find my self being person with cold feelings So I'm wishing that if someday someone broke my heart, I would atleast feel something, thats all ) For now, my reason and heart are on constant battle. Reason saying that, I would only brake fine friendship. But heart is messing my head with wild illusions and fake images what could happen So I'm just sitting and doing nothing, while my emotions are battleing on the fields of fantasy and reality Sounds grazy and stupid? Yep, but can't help it happening
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2010 20:21:39 GMT 2
Tiina that's the same path I've found myself down. Letting go of people who were once close to me is no longer that big of a problem. I used to not want to let people go out of fear of being alone, but now I realize that it just makes more room for those who have always been at my side, as well as room for new friendships. And may they all come and go as they please: life is not about life-long friendships or lifelong anything, it's about friendships and experiences that leave lifelong impacts. I couldn't agree nor understand more. But took me enough to let go to some ideals and believing in absolute. And that is sth I wrote before here..there's no such thing. Dunno if I was so because of my temper or sensitivity or it's because...we all read too many fairy tales when children and form diformed ideas . ;D Wanting reality to be like all those stories. Thank gods, growing up was invented and occurred to me too! ;D Thanks Tiina, its allways nice when people don't judge person by his/her age Touché!!! ;D ''You don't have to be old to be wise'''said Judas Priests, which is true.Now I see how my reply must've sounded to you, haha. ;D My only excuse is that I am getting old. Edit: forgot to mention guys, that here reason is reduced to...naught, nada, zero, rien, nul! Kaputt!!!!!! ;D Something I wish to everyone. ;D
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Post by Arivse on Nov 1, 2010 23:30:13 GMT 2
My only excuse is that I am getting old. Don't worry, I don't judge you by your age ;D
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