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Post by Bartbär on Feb 14, 2011 5:22:31 GMT 2
It was at the time I wrote the above statement a mixed bag; mostly it was acquaintances, but in perhaps one other (or more, I don't remember as most has been cleared up now) with a friend. Keep in mind that my "a lot" is not like most others, considering that I have very few friends, and only a couple more acquaintances, a mere couple people giving me problems is "a lot" or "most" of my friends. This is something I should think about more clearly before typing, then again posting the above statement was partially done in a moment of frustration. I have talked directly with certain individuals about it, namely the friends, as those are the people whose relationships matter most to me and whose behavior affects me the most. Indeed one is only a part of the problem if they are concealing the matters from the people who they have the problem with rather than going directly to them. I admit that I'm not completely exempt from this, as much as I'd like to be. I've grown up in a house full of gossip, and as much as I hate to admit it some of that mindset does seep into the cracks. I try my best to recognize it when it does and take care of it, but such process is never 100% effective. I've noticed that, especially in the states, gossip is the only form of "communication" that people go about. Most shy away from direct communication, and to be honest that is the reason why I've gotten into rifts in the past with friendships. Sometimes I am good about letting people be who they are and do what they do, regardless of how I personally behave or believe in the same situation, because that's just a part of how people are. But in particular situations that relate to or influence me directly then I've got no problem jumping in to defend myself and who I am. In regards to one turning their back on the world, I admit to being a part of this category. And it's not just the winter mood (actually I find myself much more upbeat and problem free in the winter, now that spring is rearing its head in this mood has changed. Must be a case of reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder. ). That isn't to say though that I've completely turned my back and isolated myself from the world and the people within it. Generally when a problem does arise, I am quick to pin it first on myself before I pin it onto others. This process is wholly internal, and is never expressed openly until I've worked through it first to determine where the "error" lies. No sense in spreading out false feelings or information that has not been previously filtered. Sadly though I've been too lenient with my filter. I am very quick to filter people through when I note incompatibilities. Although I question sometimes the effectiveness of my filter. Past experiences grant me two possibilities: I am either very in tune with what I've experienced in the past, in which case I'm able to recognize negative manifestations early on and deal with them immediately, or second (and perhaps more likely) I'm scarred by past experiences and I'm more lenient with the filter as a means of not having to deal with them again. Although this has a positive side (the relationship truly isn't positively mutual and only would lead to wasted time and energy) it also has a negative side (possible meaningful relationships lost due to faulty perception). Although I feel I've been doing things more out of a correct perception, that is just my ego talking, and maybe it's just pride rearing in its ugly head without my knowledge. Yet I do not know how to understand in what way I'm doing things. I've always had a much more easy time analyzing the actions of others, but trying to turn the lens unto myself is a much greater task. Anyone that knows me, such as yourself, understands that there is something about me that perhaps isn't quite right. I'm not very good in dealing with friendships and relationships. Over the years I've become increasingly reserved, and as a result friendships have suffered. Slowly I've been losing the ability to communicate my thoughts and feelings effectively to my friends, and generally the more dear the friend the harder it is for me to communicate. Ironically though the very fact that I perceive myself this way only increases that perceived "reality". Sometimes I wonder why I haven't went to seek professional help yet. Perhaps because although I hate not communicating effectively, I"m also quite content in my isolated bubble.
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Post by Bartbär on Feb 11, 2011 14:53:02 GMT 2
Kuusuru: Then two weeks from now is really all that matters!
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Post by Bartbär on Feb 11, 2011 0:51:30 GMT 2
With news of Die Apokalyptischen Reiter's new album coming out, I've been listening to a lot of their music today. I have never given them a thorough listening before, only pieces here and there with some full songs on repeat. Today I've listened to "All You Need Is Love" a good 5 times, 2 of the times while driving, and I must say it is AWESOME cruising music!
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Post by Bartbär on Feb 9, 2011 6:57:16 GMT 2
Good: only a one class day tomorrow. Looking forward to only having to be on campus for 50 minutes... Bad: It seems I got a 15/20 on my Biology Quiz... I thought I only missed one question on it... I hate getting less than what I expect. That's why I am a pessimist. I just hate having such a low grade... Badish: My college has for the first time this year FINALLY offered an Honors program. That's a great thing. The bad part is that my Philosophy professor will be having an Honors Philosophy class next semester, and I will be at Uni and thus not able to take it... Good: All the good music coming out this year: Burzum, Vreid, Moonsorrow, Dalriada, Falkenbach, Die Apokalyptischen Reiter etc. all with newly released or soon to be released albums, and what I've heard so far of each has been AWESOME!
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Post by Bartbär on Feb 4, 2011 4:12:27 GMT 2
Velve: Haha, that was great!!! I can tell you spent a lot of time on it! But it turned out wonderfully!!! Nightwica: I must agree with Per, and I too certainly approve of this. I also approve of your Recorder covers! Great job!!! Considering I know nothing but a tiny bit of German, and Dalriada is one of my favorite bands on the Folk Metal front, I'm certainly excited to see some English interviews and news!!! Thank you!
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Post by Bartbär on Feb 3, 2011 18:30:21 GMT 2
Thank you Socke! I still have to make sure I get a dorm, otherwise I will have to put it off another year. But let's hope that's not the case! And I don't know what aggravates me more, when they allow someone else to buy from your account or are too paranoid to let you use your own account!! That is just ridiculous you had to put up with that. But hey, at least you know they' do the same thing is some man tries to use your account. hahaha Arivse: Apparently the Germans are invading Finland again! It's the new form of ground war: get all the Finns drunk until you can take them over. Just watch out for those Russian invaders as well, always hard to fight a hangover on both fronts!
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Post by Bartbär on Feb 2, 2011 15:38:44 GMT 2
The only thing I've been reading lately is Kierkegaard's "Fear and Trembling" for my Philosophy class. I would love to know if anyone else has ever read this, as I could use some discussions on the topic? The book is very wonderful, yet also extremely problematic. Essentially it's one of Kierkegaard's many works trying to show how one reaches true faith in a way that it can be spoken about. Generally it's dividing between the three states of mind: the aesthetic, when one does things for themself and their own wants; The moral, when one does things for others selflessly; And the religious, in which one does things for God, but also for themselves but on a more profound and meaningful level. If one is on the first level, than they cannot understand anyone on the other two, and if one is on the second level, they cannot understand those on the third level. Kierkegaard is trying to show those levels how to climb to the religious in a way that they can understand. This was actually brought on apparently by Kierkegaard's break-off of marriage to his beloved Regine, and was one of his many means to try and explain to her why he did what he did. In short, or at least according to my Philosophy professor and a number of his colleagues, the split occurred due to a religious conundrum for Kierkegaard. Kierkegaard loved Regine and loved God, but since he had love for Regine he could not completely devote himself and his love to God, thus his break became imminent. I absolutely love that thought. It's just one of the thousands of examples that shows just how truly moved by his own thoughts Kierkegaard was, and how out of all the men in the world the past few centuries, Kierkegaard is one of the very very few who truly had faith, or at least in my opinion came closest to it. The biggest problem with the work is the constant contradictions: apparently the religious state is full of contradictions. Philosophically this may be understandable, as in logic one sees that a contradiction can prove the existence of everything: both that which is, and that which is not. However such life in a contradiction requires Kierkegaard's great "leap of faith", a step that prior to is full of the Anxiety he speaks of so much. The process of Anxiety is part of the journey, when working oneself up to faith (as faith certainly isn't something that is gotten at easily) Anxiety is the biggest and most harsh feeling one experiences. It reflects the anxiety of the whole concept: one is faced with a series of challenges, and in the end one must eventually take that leap of faith before they truly obtain that which they are leaping for. And the anxiety... that cannot be emphasized enough although I don't yet understand it in full, and maybe I never will. For people like myself, who have never taken such a leap, the contradictions are mind-numbing. For instance the one that has given me the greatest trouble lately is that which takes place in "Problema 1", in which Kierkegaard states a number of times: "Faith has never existed because it has always existed." I've read over the sentence 100 times, I've tried making sense of it, even tying it in to the comments he makes on the rest of that section, but I find myself only aggravated at the idea.... Sometimes it pays to be more right brained than left brained. It is such a wonderful writing though. Kierkegaard brings up thoughts that so few don't seem to listen to, and had they listened and understood (which I assure you is indeed hard!) then perhaps the world of faith would finally begin to fill, and the finite world of preachers auctioning off faith like it was something that could be bought would slowly dwindle. Kierkegaard hated religious types, and when you read his works you begin to understand why. He himself is big on religion, but unlike others he has never assumed that he obtained it. In fact in this work he is constantly equating himself with more of a "tragic hero" than with a "knight of faith". So if even Kierkegaard didn't claim to be such a knight (perhaps the denying is part of being one?) than it makes me wonder who has been one? And if one has even been present in the world we live in today? These are just some of the many many many thoughts and problems that arise in the work, and I'm only through 60 pages of it.
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Post by Bartbär on Feb 2, 2011 15:11:06 GMT 2
nightwica: where abouts in Germany are you getting to stay? Obviously it's beautiful, then again I've always been partial to Germany. In regards to concerts: at least the good thing is train systems and bus systems there, and considering the small size of Germany (compared to living here at least, where our one state of Texas is just as big) it's not too hard to travel. But the fact that you're in school means you'll probably not get many chances to leave town for a day or two to go to a concert. Hopefully you'll get to experience some sometime! Noncho: That photo reminds me so much of a Caspar David Friedrich painting, and considering he's my favorite painter you can see I find it to be a pretty damn wonderful photo!!! Rolling hills, mountains, cliffs, and fog... all the things I miss.
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Post by Bartbär on Feb 2, 2011 0:11:05 GMT 2
Thank you sister! I'm a very good shapeshifter, my proplem is the shapes only seem to get bigger. haha Good: Got the charge on my account taken care off. Apparently the idiots who get to work in the bookstore during the winter let a woman, yep, someone not even the same gender of myself, make a charge on my account; not only is this ridiculous because of the obvious difference, but because they are supposed to check ID's and match them to account numbers. Thankfully the girls signature on the receipt was eligible, so they were able to charge her account and refund mine right away. It amazes me though that I go to school with such people that can make such brain numbing mistakes. Good: There is a blizzard coming our way, and it's HUGE. We are supposed to get anywhere from 12 to 18 inches in just a few hours, or at the least one inch per hour. I love snowstorms, although I don't like travelling in them by car. Should have tomorrow off from school because of it, so that's an added bonus.
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Post by Bartbär on Feb 1, 2011 0:05:13 GMT 2
I imagine that although there may be some generic cheap ass knock-offs of Shaman drums in some souveneir shops that a good deal of them would be authentic good-quality drums. Considering the Shaman drum is quite an important symbol of Saami past it seems to yield a great deal of respect from suppliers who would only carry good quality material. Of course that doesn't mean it's exempt from companies trying to take advantage of the beauty, sound, and power of the drum. Since you'll be in the shop, just pick it up and play. You can feel the difference between a real hide and a fake one, also if it has symbols painted on try to denote if it's hand-painted or printed. If it's the former than it should add to the authenticity. Then again, even if it isn't authentic all that matters is the feel you have and the sound it yields when playing it. There is ONE supplier of Shaman drums that I've found in the United States, located in Colorado, sadly though they are currently out of stock, but I think (hope!) they get more shipments in. That would be the most awesome thing to have decorating a wall, something that is both beautiful in its own right but can be taken down and enjoyed. Good luck in the search!
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Post by Bartbär on Jan 31, 2011 23:58:10 GMT 2
Bad: Not sure how easy it will be to handle the 600 dollar charge from the college bookstore that I did not authorize. I hope going in tomorrow with my receipts and asking them to show me proof of my consent on the purchase will be enough to get them to refund the money into my account. Good: I got official acceptance into Uni of Iowa. The reason it took so long it seems is because of an uncompleted science credit in High School: truth is a completed all science requirements in high school, but the year after I graduated most schools were on block schedule so they increased requirements... I just have to take the class sometime the first year and all is well. Good: I am accepted into Honors thanks to my grades, which means I can stay at the Honors house (IF it's not full by the time I have the 120 dollars for the application fee). Not only is it more prone to housing people who are serious about education but EVERY floor is a quiet floor, so no worries of late-night parties interrupting my studies. Not to mention a 24-hour fitness center located one building over, so maybe I can get in shape (or if we consider round a shape, maybe I can get out of shape. )
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Post by Bartbär on Jan 31, 2011 14:50:03 GMT 2
Croc: Impossibly beautiful female vocalists are hired on shitty bands for a reason, even if their music is impossibly terrible one still wishes to stay just to stare. Marduk and Sodom! That's awesome! And as for the rest, whether the sound was shitty or less than best songs were played at least you get some semi-frequent shows there! I have no ability to travel thanks to being a poor student, so sadly I have no shows to report from 2010. Oh, does my nephews singing kid songs at their school count? Because if so I was at 2 last year.
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Post by Bartbär on Jan 31, 2011 6:33:03 GMT 2
Bad: I'm so withdrawn that I didn't even realize there was any uprising going on in Egypt! I'm glad your friend is ok Arivse, now let's just hope everything works out soon enough in Egypt!
Bad: I've been in an apathetic and pensive mood all day.I can't seem to relax. so much crap going on both with day-to-day happenings and also just my internal thoughts conflicted by all the annoying people around me... *deeepppp breaths*
Good: Biology Lab tomorrow. Not sure what it will be over, but in class we've been going over Atoms and their properties. Either way it should be fun. Having lab always makes me realize just how much I miss having a science class.
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Post by Bartbär on Jan 31, 2011 0:16:30 GMT 2
I realize more and more as time goes on that friendship, at least something very meaningful and mutual, is an extremely rare occurrence. I've found that as time goes on too that I seem to lose my connection with people of the past. I think it's mostly because those people are still STUCK in the past. They don't seem to evolve or have any depth, they are just content with going along in their ways even though they don't even know where it is they're going or what it is they're looking for. A lot of my friends lately, well, a few acquaintances at least, have really bothered me. Messages I receive from them are filled with assumptions about me. They say things in a way as if I agree with them, or they put words in my mouth as if they know what I'm looking for, or they assume it's what I'm looking for. I hate that more than anything, because I hate assumptions (especially when I make them! And believe me I'm not exempt from mistakes) and I hate when people don't ask you. It seems as if they don't want to, they don't want to learn about who you truly are, beause they're afraid once they find out who you are they'll see just how much they disagree with you, and that happily idealized image will be destroyed. Instead though they should realize that it's GOOD to have people you disagree with, people who you share very little in common with as a friend, because those are QUALITIES of a person, not the full sum of who they truly are. One can hate everything that another person loves, yet they could completely find great love in one anothers friendship. But no one is willing to work for friendship... everyone just assumes that the people they talk with and have things in common with are their friends, yet looking at it from the outside that friendship just seems miserable.... Having said that it's quite easy to see why I've been so withdrawn from the forum lately. Ironically though this is the one place I do enjoy coming, and I enjoy talking with everyone here. Aside from all of us loving Korpiklaani we are all so very individual, we each have our quirks and our passions that don't always align with one another, but we still get along and develop good connections and friendships. And once again... don't even get me started on relationships.
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Post by Bartbär on Jan 28, 2011 20:09:33 GMT 2
Great thread to be revived! I haven't listened to much electronic music through the years, so perhaps I'm not the best to comment on it. But I always gauge my enjoyment of electronic music by thinking about listening to it while playing Castelvania on Nintendo, and I must say your song is high on that enjoyment meter! I particularly like what I think is the second to third last riff in the song. Great stuff! Keep on writing!
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